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Mark Henick

Manager's Guide to Supportive Conversations

Having Effective Mental Health Conversations with Your Team

Most managers aren't trained for these conversations. You're expected to have them anyway. This guide won't make them easy, but it will make them clearer.

You're not expected to be a therapist. You're expected to be human, honest, and helpful within your role. That's enough.

Your Role vs. Not Your Role

Your Role

  • • Notice changes in performance or behavior
  • • Express concern and offer support
  • • Connect to available resources
  • • Make reasonable accommodations
  • • Maintain confidentiality appropriately
  • • Follow organizational policies
  • • Stay in touch during absences

Not Your Role

  • • Diagnose mental health conditions
  • • Provide therapy or counseling
  • • Determine medical treatment
  • • Share details with other team members
  • • Judge whether someone is "really" struggling
  • • Solve their personal problems
  • • Ignore performance issues indefinitely

Starting the Conversation

When to Initiate

Start a conversation when you notice:

  • • Consistent changes in work quality or output
  • • Withdrawal from team interactions
  • • Increased absences or lateness
  • • Visible signs of distress
  • • Direct or indirect requests for help

Opening Lines That Work

"I've noticed [specific observation]. I wanted to check in—how are things going?"

Specific and direct. No guessing about what you mean.

"You don't seem like yourself lately. Is everything okay?"

Simple. Opens the door without demanding details.

"I'm concerned about [specific behavior]. Can we talk about what's going on and how I can support you?"

Combines concern with offer of support. Makes it a collaborative conversation.

During the Conversation

Do This

  • Listen more than you talk. Resist the urge to fill silence immediately.
  • Ask open questions. "Tell me more about that" beats "Are you okay?"
  • Acknowledge difficulty. "That sounds really hard" validates without fixing.
  • Focus on support. "What would help right now?" gives them agency.
  • Be specific about resources. Have EAP info, HR contacts ready.
  • Follow up consistently. Check in again. And again.

Don't Do This

  • Minimize their experience. "Everyone feels that way sometimes" dismisses reality.
  • Offer quick fixes. "Have you tried yoga?" rarely helps.
  • Compare to others. "At least you're not..." makes it worse.
  • Demand details. They don't owe you their diagnosis or history.
  • Promise confidentiality you can't keep. Be clear about limits.
  • Ignore performance issues entirely. Support doesn't mean no accountability.

If Someone Mentions Suicide

Don't panic. Don't minimize. Do ask directly:

"Are you thinking about suicide?"

Direct question shows you can handle the conversation. If yes: stay with them, connect to crisis resources immediately (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in US, 1-833-456-4566 in Canada), involve HR or EAP as appropriate.

After the Conversation

Immediate Next Steps

  • ☐ Document conversation (focus on work-related observations, not medical details)
  • ☐ Connect to resources if they agreed to that
  • ☐ Discuss any immediate accommodations needed
  • ☐ Schedule follow-up conversation
  • ☐ Inform HR if policy requires or if safety concerns exist

Ongoing Support

  • • Check in regularly, not just about performance
  • • Be flexible with accommodations while maintaining expectations
  • • Keep conversations going—this wasn't one-and-done
  • • Normalize struggle on your team
  • • Address your own needs—these conversations affect you too

Balancing Support and Accountability

Supporting someone's mental health doesn't mean ignoring performance issues indefinitely. It means addressing them with compassion while maintaining necessary standards.

Situation: Consistent missed deadlines

Without balance: "I know you're struggling, so don't worry about deadlines."

With balance: "I know this is a difficult time. Let's look at your workload together and adjust timelines where we can. These deadlines are firm, but we might be able to redistribute some of the other work. What would help?"

Situation: Frequent absences

Without balance: "You've used all your sick days. Any more absences will result in disciplinary action."

With balance: "I see you've needed several days off. Are you getting the support you need? Let's talk to HR about options—medical leave, accommodation, EAP. I want to support your health while also being clear about attendance expectations."

Taking Care of Yourself

These conversations take emotional energy. That's normal. You don't have to be perfect at them. You just have to show up with genuine care and willingness to try.

• Debrief with HR, your manager, or EAP if you need to process

• Set boundaries on what you can carry

• Remember you're not responsible for fixing everything

• Recognize when you need support too

• Model the behavior you want to see—taking breaks, setting boundaries, asking for help

Key Resources to Have Ready

• Employee Assistance Program (EAP) contact info and how to access

• HR contact for accommodation requests

• Crisis helplines: 988 (US), 1-833-456-4566 (Canada)

• Your organization's mental health policy

• Leave of absence procedures

• Return-to-work process

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